My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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