My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I just shit out all my problems.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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