Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
