Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
