i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
stop calling my apartment porn island.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
