my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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