My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
