So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
