So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
