ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My hand turned me down
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
