My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
