I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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