I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
