i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i came on her dog
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
