her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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