Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
