Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
