Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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