she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
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I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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