I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
