Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
