when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
