do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
