I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
