If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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