The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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