Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
