Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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