We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
