we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
