y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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