He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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