We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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