Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
