you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
