I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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