Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
