I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I forget how to act sober
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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