I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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