the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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