Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
