I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
