We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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