using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
