After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
