Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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