On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
