Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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