I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
