When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
