Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
