The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize