Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
