My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
