Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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