My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize