I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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Semen is not good for contacts.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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