I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
