Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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