I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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