Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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