And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
