a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize