i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
