Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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