he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
