Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
