Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
