Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
