i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
