i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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