a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He better not be in your backpack
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
