I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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