I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
