When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
