I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There r osticjed everywhere
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
