she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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