I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
