Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
