we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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