? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
